sunday

it's 4:19 pm right now, and i woke up about 45 minutes ago. i feel like a total loser. last night i had one of my friends over so we could work on a school project. surprisingly, this was one of the most fun projects I've had to work on; we were told to create a flapper from the 1920's. my friend works in a department store, so she had access to a full body mannequin. we put a Charleston dress on it, and in cosmetology school i did a finger wave on my mannequin head. it took us about 15 seconds to put the dress on, and then we hung out from 9:00 to 2:00 in the morning; thus making me sleep from about 2:30 am to 3:20 pm. fun.

What is a Flapper girl

i really wish that i had people in my life who wanted to talk to me. it seems like every friend i have, will just sit wherever they are and wait for me to come up to them to strike conversation. its not as if i think less of these people for being timid, but i would like to not have to initiate every conversation. there are other people who are friends of your friends that you see and wish you could be friends with them. just something about them strikes your curiosity, and yes, there is an initial attraction to them, but not necessarily a sexual attraction. it's so awkward trying to begin a friendship with them. trying to find things that the both of you agree on or are interested in can be really uncomfortable while trying not to be a creeper. then of course theres the time crunch because when you're in high school you have all of 5 minutes in between classes and in those 5 minutes; probably 1 chance to walk bye them and smile. maybe it's not worth it. but like i said there are just some people that you really want to be friends with.

maybe other people don't get that feeling, but for me, after being out of the social scene for such a long time and missing opportunities to make new friends, i really want people to like me. i want as few enemies as i can. be that as it may, the school i go to makes it difficult for this to happen because of how many rednecks go to the "auto shop" tech program. for some reason, rednecks don't seem to like gay boys, so as luck would have it, I've probably made just as many enemies as i have friends: if not more enemies. i don't understand it! what did i ever do to them. i think they're just scared of me because i know how to dress, and present myself like someone who cares about themselves. some people have told me that those boys could be homophobic because they're unsure of their own sexuality, but what i dont get, is how the fuck would they ever get the self confidence to think that i want to come onto them. those boys wear camo baseball caps and tee shirts with dear graphics on them. honestly; i would rather fuck my dead grandfather that hot on someone who dresses them selves like that by choice. "and for that, we thank you." - Daniel Tosh