August 8th, 2011: missing you so much

....and the only one who could take this loneliness away is so far away

its two things: SAD- because hes not here with me right now to make everything perfect like he does

and WORTHWHILE- because i know that i'm not wasting my time loving someone who's not here that doesn't love me back

they say friends can make times like this better, but my experience has shown that its only temporary and i need permanence. i need closure and security as well as affection and touch.

August 4th, 2011

ladies and gentlemen, we are in the midst of an owl epidemic!

they can be really fucking creepy though!

July 2, 2011

man, i just feel so gross all the time ever since  started eating normal again. its a dificult thing to do for someone who's been bulimic for the past 6 years of his life. i used to weigh 280, now im 142, but every time i put something in my mouth i feel like im going to look like this cow woman again.

and thats not something im trying to do so badly.

its so insane though because at my worst i was binging and purging 5 times every day. my paranoia would get so fucking bad that every time i would eat a salad i would think to myself "they grew this lettuce in lard so its all fat and im going to be gross" or "i cant eat this, or chew this gum because someone injected body fat into it, theyre all trying to make me fat". just such crazy thoughts would pop into my head. but its something that im working on and trying to get better about.

wish me luck

June 29, 2011

so I've decided that i'm just so tired of having ugly Facebook friends. i posted something similar to that on my wall and then deleted them from my friends list. the reason is that i just dont feel like their status's or updates have any place on my news feed. they really aren't that important, and since they aren't that important, why the fuck should i have to look at them.

yeah, these past few weeks have been decent. ive been doing construction with my dad which is so out of my element, but the pay is good so i cant complain. my quest for a job has been unsuccessful. i actually applied for a job at 

and they called me back for an interview the same day. i had everything perfect, i had my social security card, a photo ID, and then they ask me "are you 18?" as if i thought it mattered i said "no" and then they said i couldn't work there. 

i'm sure you can imagine my surprise

because i really didn't think i would have to be 18 to operate a cash register, but it makes sense now that i think of it because it is a store from the south.

other than that, i really dont know. it was kind of like a slap in the face because it didn't ask the 18 question on the application. one thing that doesn't make sense to me is why all of the college kids are taking high school kids jobs. they're high school summer jobs for a reason and they ought to stay that way. there's two more places i can think of that i haven't applied to. Claire's and C.B. Sullivan's, but if i dont get a bight from one of them i might just have to work with my dad for the rest of my life and that would really suck

                                              

June 10, 2011

so on Wednesday i completed my first year of cosmetology. the recognition/graduation ceremony was on Wednesday night. it took so long to get through all the awards and speeches, but i didn't really mind because i won an award of $250. this past week though has been so fucking crazy and i'm glad that its over.

currently i weigh 142 Lbs. my diet mostly consists of fruits and vegetables but my parents usually make me eat dinner when i'm eating with them. i would like to get down to 135 Lbs, but i dont know if its possible. a lot of people have been making fun of me for my weight loss and it's getting old. i dont understand why it matters to them; or maybe they're just jealous because they cant lost weight themselves. whatever the truth may be, i need to try to get down to 135, and ill do it through whatever means necessary.

the "discover jazz" festival happened this past week and is continuing through this weekend, and i have to admit that it reallllllllly sucks. i hate the crowds of people, i hate the music, i hate most of the unprofessional musicians (the ones that aren't hot). my father wanted to go out to eat tonight so he could listen to some of the music. i thought it was a bad idea because it was packed and the music gives me migraines. regardless, we went and had dinner at the "Asiana Noodle Shop"; for the record i dont recomend it. the food was decent, but the service was terrible.

may 31, 2011

god almighty its been too fucking long, school's almost over and im pumped for it. all the little hoes in my class are going bat shit because its so hot outside.

i recently found the cure for PMS, insomnia, muscle pains, and other life problems.

i find that by taking 1 of these pills every hour or so can cure all of the previous problems. its the perfect solution. ladies; get out there and score some

May 6, 2011

the other day i was faced with a serious dilemma:
a kid walked up to me and told me that he could get me ecstasy for $5 a piece. keep in mind that this is a highschool kid and he probably doesnt have the most reliable sources. so i stalled for a couple seconds quickly to take a look at the kid; he was clearly tweeking out (his eyes were glazed, dialated, and all over the place). he looked like a jock, and also didnt look very trustworthy.
my dilemma was; so i take this kid up on his offer and risk taking the exact same drug that he took which is why this kid looks like a bat out of hell right now, or do i tell him to get lost and continue being clean?
i chose to tell the kid to get lost. the reasoning behind my decision was that i know when i do drugs i dont stop and it isnt very pretty either.
i just thought it was funny that this kid thougt i was actually going to invest five dollars into his drug fund. he was probably never even going to get them for me in the first place. he probably just wanted money for his next fix.

anywho, im glad i didnt waste my time or money on that jukie. now i have cash to spend