Feeling kind of apathetic lately, there's not much time left in the summer and i have a lot of things that i want to do. there are people i haven't hung out with that i said i would, and there are just a lot of places that I've been meaning to get to that i haven't gotten to go to yet. i'm trying to get in as many hours at work as i can before summer's over because i know this is just a summer job i have. however, i have been looking for a more permanent job to take its place this year.
I get into these moods that come and go, but they've been staying longer recently. like i just get feeling really bad about myself and the way i look. i know that i shouldn't feel this way because i look better than i have ever looked but i cant help but feel like a piece of shit. i'm so scared that in going to gain all this weight and be ugly again and i dont want it to happen. people are so judgmental (not that i'm any better) but it freaks me out and i feel like i always need to look perfect. its an unrealistic expectation of myself and i know that, but its the way that i feel.
so someone please tell me how do i get out of this funk, i dont want to be that person who carries around the rain cloud with them wherever they go. that's not who i am, that's not who i have been, and that's not who i want to be.
So here's to another banner year,
We've crossed that thin line,
Don't try to hold us here,
If for just this once you'd think of us,
I hope you're happy with yourself,
-Jeremy McKinnon (A Day To Remember)
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